She makes me feel unaccomplished, she's my Voldemort.

So last night I went to Creepy Clown Bar after work. It was hot in our air condition-less restaurant and by the time my last table left and I got everything turned around and I stayed to help the closer finish everything and cash out I just wanted a cold beer somewhere quiet. I was tempted just to go to McClusky's because that's what we do, but I decided that would fit in better at Creepy Clown Bar in my server uniform.  It was great: quiet, cold, and a friend I hadn't seen in ages was there. I love this girl. She has the outward appearance of someone who is a metal grunge-head that chain smokes and only reads Sartre. In reality this girl is bright and darkly bubbly who loves Lady Gaga and Danzig. She showed me her pictures from her time out in Portland and they were beautiful. She and her boyfriend had been out in a lava field and in an extensive cave system and then they went to the zoo. The pictures were so amazing and beautiful and she told me all about the city. She even said that if she could she would pack up and move out there too. I wish she had that opportunity too now that she might be out of a job in a few weeks. Poor girl. We also started talking about the west with some Irish guy and he had only awesome things to say so now I definitely need to head out there before I go south.

I'm headed to Jersey tonight, I think. My parents are supposed to be out there and I haven't seen my mom in several months. I'm also thinking about getting a state park pass for the year. It's fifty dollars to put a sticker on my car and drive through Island Beach State Park until I find a spot I like. Almost always it will be at the end of the drive past the Coast Guard house and the bird platforms. No one except the fishermen like the end because there's no lifeguards, bathrooms, or parking lots. I like it because there aren't any people to contend with and because its pay by the car load and parking is free inside instead of like the Heights or the Park where you have to pay for a beach pass and parking too. I just need to get through my last day in the heat at Bucca and then I'll shower and head over, maybe. I'm also hoping that this is  my last no air conditioning day at work too.

Hi Cynthia!

I can't believe that he paid for everyone, who ever heard of a rich nurse?

So I just read the syllabus for my next class that begins in two weeks and I am unbelievably excited about it. The class is on writing non-fiction shorts and is being taught by Spinner. I've never had her, but we've interacted quite frequently over this past semester, first when I tried to see if I could go on her Chile study tour and we discussed our love of Allende and South American literature and Norberg I couldn't go because of time and cost, but it turned out that the trip had to be canceled and now she's teaching this online course that I'm in. The other times that we've spoken were about course registrations and where to find a stapler in the English department (a lot harder than it should be, but also how I've become friendly with Fr. Brennan). Spinner also runs the Writing Center and is really enthusiastic about what she does, so I'm pretty excited to be taking her even if it is an online class. I've never taken one before, but Marge swears by them and I am looking forwards to not having to be chained to a classroom for eight weeks.

I got to go outside today during work to run errands and it ended up being a struggle for me to want to come back into the building. It is so nice and hot and sunny outside right now, that I am practically counting down the seconds to Monday when I can be back on the beach. I did run into Tom while I was running errands and he informed me that I can pick up my portfolio at anytime, so I'm going to email him about it next week. I can't wait to get it and see what he had to say about my final pieces. I did really well in the class (better than I thought I would) and I want to see what he had to say about everything. Running errands also gave me a chance to see the construction that is going on around campus. There is a lot of it all over the place, most of it away from where I work and have class so I don't see the progress so regularly. It is crazy how torn up everything is right now and how many trees and green spaces have been torn up to make way for all of the construction, I'm really hoping that these buildings turn out nice because all I want is a turn field on Maguire and a few more trees, not the Learning Center, which will just be a glorified computer lab and and place for students to nap in between classes.

My parents have taken off for Lancaster and I have three days of Bucca, starting tonight. Samantha is in Florida slowing burning the layers of skin off of her body and no one has been out in the boat yet this summer.




The title is a shout out to my mom. It's from Nurse Jackie.

It's been a year and a half since I've been home and I'm 90% sure I left my front door open.

I have become the master of the Jersey Slide. It's not really a surprising thing considering who taught me to drive. (Who drives their daughter into a ditch and then expects her to learn to drive stick that way?) But it's a great feeling when you're better at driving around New Jersey than the people that live there. It's a big "Fuck You" to all of the tourists that dive around Vermont all day looking at nothing.

The beach was great. It was just me and a couple of fishermen out on the far end of the park. And by fishermen, I mean two guys and their truck with five or six poles stuck in the sand while they ate out of their trunk. I was there for about three and a half hours, just in the sun reading. There was a breeze so the waves were big and the tide was low so everything looked extra big and foamy when the water came crashing down on the shore. The breeze also kept me cool. When I sit in the sun I tend to get really hot really quickly and then I sweat and get miserable. I was also alone which was a plus. When I'm with Lance, who is an intense beach goer, we usually fight about something and I want to drown him in the surf and when I'm with my mom, who thinks she is an intense beach goer, she's usually telling me something about the water for the thousandth time or talking on her phone and I want to drown her in the surf. It was nice just being by myself and not having to worry about anyone. I just wish the water still wasn't freezing, it would have been nice to get a little wet.

I ended up staying the night on Wednesday at my Uncle Greg's house. I wasn't sure if I would, but spending the day in the sun wore me out, plus I really love my Uncle Greg and it had been a whole year since I had seen him. He's an older version of Lance and I've always been much closer to him than any of my other relatives. I'm like the baby of the family to him. His sons are both in their mid 30s and our other cousins are only slightly younger, so Samantha and I are the babies of the family. Now I know Uncle Greg loves Samantha, but I've always been a little extra special to him because we've spent more time together. When I was born I got a Padington Bear from him that I still keep around and most of my earliest birthdays were spent at the shore with my Aunt Pat and Uncle Greg. I think that this was mostly because my Dad is a beach freak who idolizes his older brother and Uncle Greg and Aunt Pat were the only two of Lance's relatives that my mom could handle at the time.

I am glad to be home though. I love traveling even if it is to Jersey, but I really like the comfort of my bed. I also had to get back to work and night class. Class is starting to get better, but it goes for so long. I got out at 9:30 tonight and had to rush home so that I could clean up and make dinner before my friend got here. We were supposed to do some peer editing on some writing that he's working on, but he was tired after work and decided to just go home. It's fine I don't mind because now my apartment's clean, I just wish I had known so I wouldn't have had to rush through the grocery store to make it home before he would have got here. Dinner is made though and I am sitting on the couch writing and watching old episode of Sports Night. I should make a note to tell my friend that if he's around tomorrow night after work we can do the peer editing because if tomorrow is going to be all hot out like this I am going to be miserable at work, especially if it's slow and will just want to come home and take a cold shower. I get really unmotivated to go out when I'm tired and sweaty from work, especially if it's a slow night like it was last Friday. I also got Daydream Nation from Netflix. It stars Kat Dennings who is one of my favorites and tomorrow night will be the only chance that I get to watch it because Saturday I'm supposed to meet my friends out and Sunday night I will be heading back to the shore for what could very well be a chaotic and impromptu family gathering. I kind of want it to happen, nine grown people, one baby in three bedrooms and two couches makes for a very crowded home and plenty of Obco's glazed donuts. 

Yellow model chick, yellow bottle sippin', yellow Lamborghini, yellow top missin'.

One day I will be able to have a nine to five job, today is not that day. Someday I will also only have to have one job to comfortably survive and today is also not that day. Soon hopefully (next five years maybe). I covered for someone at my server job last night and I completely forgot that she had the closing shift when I agreed to do it, and it was around 7pm when I realized that all of the people that I was working with had been there since the early afternoon and that I was going to be the one that would be closing tonight. I did have help last night though. I had to train one of the trainees in the closing procedures which was a terrible idea on my manager's part because I myself have only closed two or three times and we were working with skeleton crew and the Ecolab guy was coming into super clean the place. Everything was kind of mixed up and rushed because we had to get out of there and people had to do multiple tasks. I'm not going to lie, it kind of made me miss the closing shift at Borders. I was actually pleased with last night though because I ended up making double what I made on Friday, plus I didn't have to tip out as much as usual, plus I didn't have nearly as many tables to work with. I will say that I do think it's harder to work when it's slower because I get distracted easily and miss stuff. When it's busy I have to be on my game and not miss a beat and still go 100 mph.I developed this intense work ethic from my Dad to always have a sense of urgency and it comes out even more in the kitchen, which is our element so when I'm at work I can look pretty intense.

Last night was also very odd in that sense when you have been thinking about something and then for some reason, completely unintentionally or out of your control, they happen. Last night an old boyfriend of mine texted me at work. I hadn't spoken to him in a very long time and then out of the blue he started talking to me last night. It was light conversation about his graduating and living back at home (no surprise there) and how he occasionally sees my mother. It was fine, something to do while I stood around at work, but I really thought it was funny because tonight I have a pseudo-date with a guy who is almost exactly like him. It's really creepy that I've met someone almost exactly like him. Don't get me wrong the guy I'm going to see is very nice and pleasant looking, but the fact that he could potentially be exactly like an old boyfriend of mine makes me want to vomit just a tiny bit. I really am trying to go into this with an open mind and not let any pre-judgments mess this up, but I am going to take this unbearably slow to the point where if he is like the person I think he might be like I'm just not going to bother and hope that he gets bored with me. No maybe not, I'll be polite and honest and just tell him I'm not interested. He's already planning a million dates in the future and he keeps texting me about them which is already a huge turnoff and I am really struggling right now not to call him and just cancel, ugh.

I am going to use tonight to work on my speaking skills. It's this ridiculous thing about me where I can't speak unless spoken to first and even then I'm a terrible conversationalist, but I have recently discovered that this is only in social settings for me. At work I can talk my table up no problem at all. I can approach large and small groups of people that I have never even met and talk to them about just about anything to the point where they love me and will order anything off of the menu that I tell them to, but when it comes to being out at a party I tank miserably. I'm going to start practicing tonight with the guy who sits next to me in class. He always comes to class in a suit and I'm curious about what kind of job he does because I feel like he is way to young to be having a suit job. Maybe he won't be exactly like my ex-boyfriend.

Hernandez Auto Tags

I was driving down City Ave and the car in front of me had one of those decorative license plate tags that read something like "God is faithful." Now usually we see shit everywhere that tells us to be faithful to God or burn in Hell or that it is out job to be devoted to God or He will rain judgement down on us and again we will all burn in Hell. Just yesterday was supposed to be the Rapture where the select few who love Jesus rise to Heaven while the rest of us are left to try and survive seven years of the Apocalypse. The guy who predicted it didn't even get that part right. He said we would only have until September, which is not seven years or even seven months. I read an article about how this man's employees don't even believe that the end of the world is coming to an end anytime soon because they all planned to show up at work on Monday. There was one girl at work who had started to believe the bus ads and train station signs about the  end of the world and I had to spend the week convincing her that she would be okay. In return she questioned us all about whether or not we believed in Jesus. To appease her I said yes, but to be honest I've never felt a very strong attachment to Jesus or the New Testament. I do believe in God, but I don't know if I really care about Jesus. I've always been more interested in the Old Testament and the origin of monotheism. The Old Testament also has the best stories, except for the one about John the Baptist getting his head cut off. I don't think it was always like this for me. I think it was somewhere in high school where I started to gravitate towards the older stories because  I remember turning down a pocket sized version of the New Testament and asking for an Old one instead and my Mom's friend said that they don't make those and that the New one is more important. I felt immediately dislike for the New Testament and also started questioning what sort of religion I was involved in. I started taking big steps back and now I'm just sort of wandering around without any sort of faith. At school I took classes about the Old Testament and how it's more than just a religious collection of books, but a written account of history and the origins of a people and a language, and an account of the area. The one thing that I do love is the rigor and precise rituals of a mass. Other Christian religions are too loose in terms of ritual practice, but they also don't have as many problems that the Catholics face. I don't think that I can really switch to one of them anyways because I don't exactly believe in Jesus. So for now I'm just floating around figuring things out.

My mother will probably cry after reading this.

She looks like someone who gives ear drops to old cats.

This morning I went and had brunch at Yonni's house with Cynthia and as a nice surprise Kyle came over and joined us. For a really long while Kyle was just Yonni's super best man friend that we would hear about at Borders and then a couple of weeks ago Cynthia and I got to hang out with him and ever since we love Kyle. It's not quite Yonni-status love, but it's getting there, though his negativity towards (500) Days of Summer and comic book movies lost him half a point. Apparently Yonni has never cooked French toast before, because he called me yesterday to ask what kind of bread to use and he even looked up a recipe online. I told him to make sure that the bread slices were thick enough that they wouldn't get too soggy and fall apart in the batter and he definitely took my words to heart because when I showed up the French toast was almost three inches thick. Kyle kept referring to it as Texas sized, they were that big. I brought over some maple syrup that I brought back from Vermont and that opened up a whole discussion on sugaring. My friends found the whole process fascinating and the fact that it takes 40 gallons of sap to produce one gallon of syrup. I need to take them up to Vermont in March when the sap runs and take them to Trapp Family Lodge sugaring house. I really prefer the Coty's house in Nebraska Valley, but at Trapp's you get to ski or snow shoe in, have sugar on snow while you watch the process and then after there are dill pickles and cider donuts. It's a really fun time that is a better experience than what it sounds like on the page.

It's been a slow day at work and sitting in my office chair makes me want to take a nap especially now that it is dark and raining out. I'm hoping that the rain slows before I leave here because I don't want to have to trudge through the rain and then sit in class all night all damp and uncomfortable. I really want to go for a run between work and class, but I've go to finish the readings and our first trial paper. My professor said that she isn't counting this first paper as a grade, but since I have no idea who to do the format that she wants I need to do and then have her pick it apart for me so that I know what she's is looking for for next week. This class is terrible. Usually my summer classes are fun and don't take the teacher a full three hours to teach a lesson. This professor is boring and loves to take up all of the time that she can even if she's not talking about anything class related. It's only six weeks, but  now I can't go to the Matt and Kim concert and I've had to sell my ticket on stubhub. Really really not happy about that.

I'm thinking I might go running after class. It will most likely be an inside run, but that means I can work on my pace today. I also want to get to bed early tonight or at least be inside earlyish tonight so that I remember to wake up in time for breakfast at work tomorrow. That's the only plus about the office on Friday's - graduate food. I'm also going out after work. I don't care if I'm super hungover Saturday morning, I just have to sit in a chair and I get to wear jeans. I asked Merrie what she's up to, but for someone who has been waiting three years to finally go out, she most often sits at home so it will probably be Anna who comes with me and it will most likely be late which means little sleep for Sidney so by the time Saturday night roles around there is a good chance that I will be passed out on Yonni's porch and Kyle will draw marker pictures on my face. Yonni intervene to God that I make money this weekend and make sure you eat that fruit. It will boost your immune system so that you don't have to take the cough medicine that your mummy probably hid from you. Also Cynthia, let's go dancing next week.

Our sperm counts are higher, even in our women.

I got another writing request. It's kind of like getting a notice from the library about an overdue book. This time it was actual fun and creatively written and you can see it in the comment section in the post before this one. I also updated My Tumblr today too. It had been a good month or two since I was even on the dashboard. I noticed that a lot of people that I follow hadn't updated either and that I now have 25 followers. The last time I checked I only had 6 and of course none of them are my sister whom I do follow and even plugged a link to her blog on my tumblr. Thanks a lot bitch. Of course now you kind of have an idea about our relationship and can see why we may not be actively following each other.

I've been busy lately. Nothing important just a billion menial things that had to get done around the apartment and at works and school. I've been trying to clean out the apartment and do a little redecorating. I bought some gauzy curtains for my bedroom and I'm liking them more and more. They have a very nice light and romantic feel to them. They aren't heavy and awkward looking like the other ones that I had up before. I also put up a shelving unit in my kitchen that I'm also liking more and more. It's a lot of vertical space, maybe more than I need because I'm still trying to fill it all, but it's given me use of my kitchen table again and to celebrate I pulled out my tablecloth that I've been keeping in my closet for the past year. Now that I have less then a year left of living here I may clean it out and start inviting more people over, especially since I've gotten the Wii and the very nice Netflix channel. To date only eight people have been inside my apartment not including my family members. Now that it's summer and the pool is opening soon and I can have guests over I'm going to invite more people over to the apartment. I also want to go out more this summer. I want to go dancing and drinking with Anna and meet boys and makeout all over the place. I miss kissing boys, I haven't done it in ages.

I'm so glad it's summer for more than just the pool. I've been losing weight recently as a part of my challenge to get fitter. It hasn't been a substantial amount just yet, but enough that my cousin Dan said that my waist has become more defined and when I was trying on clothes at J. Crew all of my usual sizes were too big. I felt really good after that. I have a way to go yet, I want to get to the point where the people I see everyday start to notice that I'm smaller in size and look better. I've been going through an ugly duckling phase since my senior year of high school and it's only recently that I've really been willing to push myself to get out of it. I think its the combination of Yonni and Dre working out a lot and the fact that I haven't been on a date in a year. I'm tired of where I am right now and I'm willing to make the changes that I need to do to get out of this rut. I want a boyfriend again and I'm not going to meet anyone by sitting around being a fat lump. Of course this also means new clothes and new makeup and with the income that I have this summer, it's been easier to buy clothing and shoes. I'm almost done with my start of summer purchases. I've bought several pairs of shoes and clothes this past week and all that's left is underwear. Love love love underwear shopping. I just really like lacey things. I also want Yonni to come shipping with me sometime, not necessarily for underwear though I'm sure he as valid thoughts, but for clothes in general. I'm way too comfortable in my ways and I need someone to push me to try new things on. I can't bring a girl because they secretly sabotage each other even if its unknowingly so I have to bring Yonni and get his honest man thoughts.

I also need to get up to Vermont, but not until it's dry and warm up there. I have a July trip tentatively scheduled and My Hebrew Friend has tentatively agreed to drive with me. I need someone to drive through New York. 87 late at night is so boring especially when its 2am and I've been driving by myself for five hours. I can get us to New York and through Vermont, but I need someone to do New York otherwise I will crash and die and there will be no more sushi and mai tais at the Matterhorn for Sidney. That's really what I miss, the Matterhorn and boating on the reservoir. July's is the perfect time for that because everything is finally dried out and it's warm outside to the point where it's almost hot and the garden looks really pretty. The blueberry bushes won't be ready, but that's what a trip in August is for. 

But I set fire to the rain, watched it pour as I touched your face.

I'm writing this morning because this is the only chance I'm going to have for a while. I gave My Hebrew Friend a hard time for not writing in a while and I don't want to be the hypocritical bitch for giving him a hard time and then not writing myself. I'm at work right now. We're in between the procession and the reception. I'm so grateful I didn't have to sit around for the ceremony in this cold weather. Instead we came back to the office suite and set everything up for the reception. I really really am starting to dislike balloons. Balloons are just a pain and flowers should always be used instead. Next year we are decorating with flowers, my official decision, I'm putting my foot down. Of course I won't be here for graduation next because because I'll be at my own, but who cares they will appreciate not having to do balloons anymore anyways.


These past few days and next couple have days have been so so busy. Between work, other work, carving out time with my friends and getting all of the pre-class work done for next week I feel like I'm running on air. It's worse than finals week because I'm moving around so much and haven't slept nearly as much as I should be. Last night I got out of work at 11:30pm, knew I had to be up by 6am and gave myself sleep anxiety and ended up getting three hours of sleep. I kept rudely yawning at everyone who tried to talk to me during procession this morning. Last night Dwayne totally came through for me at work. He knows I can't work Tuesdays, Wednesdays, or Thursdays yet I keep getting put on the schedule and he said he would cover for me. I was so grateful to have that little bit of stress lifted, but then it was immediately replaced with my anxiety of leaving work in the lurch especially since people have been leaving and one of our more awesomer staffers was fired. But Dwayne said that it was all cool. I think by Tuesday night I'll be okay. Graduation will be done, the EQ newsletter will have been started, and Tuesday night is the first night of class. I will be able to decompress and get beer. BEER. I will also need a hug so that I still know that my limbs are functionable and then my summer can begin. Yay!


I also need to pick up the new Sarah Dessen novel. I have been so excited for this book for months and then I forgot about it. One of my friends tweeted about buying the book and I got so excited again so now I need to pop into Borders on my way to work and pick it up. Maybe this weekend I'll grab it so that I have something to do on my downtime on Monday and Wednesday. Now I am so jazzed for this book. I need to go book shopping, underwear shopping, and other clothes shopping. I need to get to the outlets, Wednesday maybe. Pray that I make a lot of money tonight and tomorrow.

If you can't handle Lewin, go to West Chester.

I was scrolling through ratemyprofessor.com earlier today to see what people had posted about the history teacher I start class with next week and the above little gem popped up. I very rarely take what people say on those message boards seriously because it's usually pissed off students venting about their final grades, but if there's a general trend in one direction or another I will pay attention to that. Now I really know nothing about West Chester's history and about 1/6th of my family has attended/is currently attending West Chester, but I still think it's funny when people think that Saint Joseph's University has some superior program over another institution and then have to brag about it in obscure places.

I got luck this week. Blogger has been down for the past couple of days and haven't wanted to write except once when I went to see Thor with My Hebrew Friend and then Marg finally acknowledged my love of super hero movies. She thinks its becoming a problem, the real problem is her need to pick up every stray cat off of the street and bring it home. Thor, by the way, was great. Everything I wanted from the a Marvel movie and the added bonus of Kat Dennings. She had a small part, but she really nailed it in her own Kat Denning's Comedic Style (see the episode of her in Sex and the City). Yonni's been quoting lines at every opportune moment that he can make, it's quite amusing. I was hoping for a cameo from Tony Stark at the end, but I was perfectly fine with Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury: Avenger Spy. SLJ is so kick-ass anyways. Before the movie I was a preview for Captain America. Captain America is easily my favorite Avenger after Iron Man, but Chris Evans and his nice Avenger body blow Robert Downey Jr.'s out of the water. So tasty. There is a strong Hulk/Watchmen feel to what I've seen so far from it, so I'm hoping that it's a little bit different. I'm really excited for The Avengers that is coming out in May of next year. It has all of the awesome super heroes working for S.H.E.I.L.D. Jeremy Renner is also supposed to have a significant role as Clint Barton/Hawkeye, a superior marksmen. This makes total sense after seeing Thor. Jeremy Renner's character was tiny, but there were a lot of close ups and lingering shots so I could tell that there was something important about him other than the fact that he is Jeremy Renner.

Now you can write our story so much faster.

I think you're about to be asleep right now. You should be asleep right now because it's late and you've written that you intend to get up early tomorrow to stake out something you won't have to do for another three months. But I saw that california king beds were trending on twitter for some reason and it made me think of you and your problematic bed, which is really quite uncomfortable, and then I remembered that Sleepys is having a mattress sale and now that you are in a position to save a little (even if you don't think you really are, you are) and should buy a new mattress sooner than later. Before you know it you're going to be caught up in school and teaching and that will take a stressful toll on your body and you will regret not having a fine mattress to sleep on. So save up or tell your dad you need money for car repairs.

I watched The Garden of Eden tonight. It was really lovely. Mena Suvari did an excellent job portraying Catherine and her destructiveness. The devil. The Garden of Eden is one of those stories like (500) Days of Summer. It is a love story, but at the same time it really is. In this one you know right away that there isn't going to be a happy ending or a simple one. One of Catherine's first lines is her saying that she is a destructive person who is going to do something really terrible one of these days. There's also a subplot about a young David in Africa with his father during their hunt for an elephant. Young David leads the group on a hunt for elephant ivory, but then comes to regret his actions after he understands the poachers' intent. This ties in as a story that David writes during his honeymoon and the couple's interactions with Marita.

I went to Ikea today to get the part that I needed for my shelves. I can't go to stores like Ikea. There's too many well-priced things that I want to buy. I ended up walking out with not only my shelving part, but also new curtains for my bedroom and a new lampshade for the small lamp on my bureau. I want to go back and get more things that I really don't need for my apartment. I am thinking about getting an area rug for my living room so that might be something for me to think about for later on. I'm hoping I'll just move out of my apartment before it comes to that. 

All the other kids with the pumped up kicks, better run, better run faster than my bullet.

I absolutely love when I can come out of work at night and it is still warm out and I can roll the windows own in my car. Sometimes after work you just need something simple tonight to make you feel better after a day of work. I had a really pathetic night. It was a fine start to a double with a large party and a generous tip, but then I got the customer from HELL. He was truly a very rude man. He had no manners and demanded everything and no matter how accommodating we were to him nothing was good enough for him. The after him the kitchen went down and one of my large party's food took almost an hour to get out to them. Part of their bill ended up being comped and so did my tip. I got so frustrated at one of the hostess and started to really miss my mom that I actually started crying while I rang up checks. It wasn't the heaving sobs I get when I'm really upset or tired, but the awkward sniffles and teary eyes that take forever to clear up I had to find behind a post and pretend to clean menus.

I finally got around to setting up the Wii. I know I said I was going to do it but then I got caught up watching old SNL episodes from the 90s and then around 1am the fire alarm went off. I usually just stay in my apartment, but at 1am the alarm sounded extra loud and I couldn't take it. I went and read a book in my car until it got shut down. The lines for the elevator were excruciatingly long when I got back in the building so I decided to hike up the nine flights of steps to my apartment. Walking up the stairs actually wasn't too bad so I may do it more. I also found out where they keep the cable connections in case I feel like being devious and want to commit a misdemeanor. I should have just gone and got blueberry pancakes. I haven't had then in a super long while and I kind of want some now, plus it would have been enough time to let everyone back in the building and free up the elevators. 

I can't marry you. I just got Playstation 2, it's very time consuming.

Muse came on the radio tonight on my drive home from work so I had to do it. I had to turn the volume up and roll my windows down and sing really really loudly and out of tune. It's just one of those things I had to do and then after Muse more awesome songs came on and I had to just keep going. Of course now I'm public enemy number in bother Wynnewood and Bala Cynwyd. Just a small price for the simpler joys in my life.

I actually made money tonight at work. Last night was pretty lame, but tonight was worth going in. I was busy but had a good flow. About half way through my shift I wanted to stick a knife in one of my busser's eyes because he is always stoned and can never complete a task without being told fifty times, but I got over it. I also bussed all of my tables by myself. Tonight was also the first night that I didn't min being stuck there all night. I usually get about three hours in before I'm begging to be cut, but tonight I took my time with resetting an side work and even offered to drive a friend home to Drexel Hill. I've been so used to being out late everyday this past week that the idea of having to go home right away was kind of unappealing. I do need the sleep though, I've been running on air for about half of the time and a good night's sleep is now vital for my continuancy. I woke up at 6:30am with the intention of running to the library to get some last minute studying in and then I remembered that I'm finished with classes. It hasn't really hit me yet that I've finished and I think that it's going to be Monday, when I don't have to get up early, when it happens.

I got the Wii today. I'm going to set it up after I finish this since I'm clearly not very tired. I got a nice pine shelving unit from Ikea today and they were out of one part some I'm going to head to the South Philly store on Monday after work and get the piece and re-organize my kitchen. I think  Monday is also going to be the day I change my bedroom and plan a Wednesday shop. I also got Garden of Eden from Netlifx which is what I'm going to be watching tomorrow after work. Garden of Eden is my all time favorite Hemingway novel and I've been dying to see this movie since I saw the trailer last summer. It's also how I found out Yonni was also really into Hemingway too. Love Hemingway.

Fuck with the cheese, fuck with the cheese.

I'm about two hours towards heading into my final exam. It's not a super important final, only worth a small percentage of the final grade, but it's in a class taught by my advisor so I can't blow it off. I spent six hours knocking out a paper for the portfolio that's due at the start of the final and my finger are exhausted from typing 20+ pages. I celebrated last night with a couple of friends. I didn't really want to go out because I had come home from studying and curled up in bed for a couple hours which made me sleepy and comfy, but my friend who was hosting us was really excited to do something to celebrate the end of his classes and since I like my friend I wanted support him and celebrate his excitement. I'm actually really glad that I went out because I got to meet someone new and get to know him and I got to see Cynthia! Cynthia! is my tiny awesome friend who has similar taste in music as me.

My Dad's visiting today and tomorrow. He brought me the Wii and the rest of my bed, which I'm particularly jazzed about because now I won't keep banging my shin on the piece that sticks out. It also means that I'm going to have to get around to rearranging my room so that I'm using all of the space that I can get out of it. Right now I have a lot of useless space in my room. I also have to rearrange my living room/kitchen areas because I'm getting some new furniture and everything feels really cramped around the edges.

The weather lately has been bumming me out. It was so nice and lovely the first few days at the beginning of the week, but lately its just been really cold and uncomfortable. I just want to be able to go outside with less clothes on. I'm going to go shopping either this Wednesday or next Wednesday (probably next Wednesday) and I don't want to have to keep buying warm clothing. I have to remember to buy some work clothes and some new shoes. Right now I'm in desperate need to get new summer shoes. I may make a separate trip out just to do shoes in a couple of weeks. I love shoe shopping. I got really into it in high school and then I dated a guy that bought me shoes and then after we stopped being together I just sort lost the excitement for shoes.

I'm thinking about going out tonight. I want to go dancing and I think I can manage to get Anna to come out with me. I also want to get slightly obliterated, but my Dad is visiting and I have to work tonight so it's going to a late decision about whether or not I actually go or if I save it for next weekend when everyone comes back for graduation and summer stuff.

THANK YOU KYLE FOR SHOWING THIS TO ME!

If the business men drink my blood like the kids in art school said they would then I'll guess I'll just begin again.

I just finished watching Morning Glory with Rachel McAdams and Harrison Ford. I was surprisingly pleased at the film especially since I had read a lot of negative reviews and had decided to just write it off as another chicky flick. I don't know maybe it was the funny funny one liners that came out of Harrison or Jeff Goldblum or maybe it was because I felt like I was watching a movie about my future self. Rachel McAdams spends 95% of the movie running around like a chicken with her head cut off worrying about her job way too much to even realize that Patrick Wilson was trying to get her. She even makes a comment about who she has no love radar and that it's only when a guy takes his pants off in front of her that she realizes that he's into her. That is me. I spend way too much time focusing on stuff and have no idea when I am being hit on until a guy goes in for the kill and even then half the time I'm still a little too stunned to pick up on what's happening. 

I had an interesting talk with my boss at work today. I totally didn't realize that I hadn't told her about changing my major. I was in such denial about it for the longest time and then all of the sudden told a bunch of people and I guess she fell through the cracks. She was so supportive about it and shared her own stories about changing her major late in the game and the fear of disappointing people who had put so much faith in your choices. We ended up having a lovely chat about my future and what I might be doing. We also discussed my summer position and I have to buy some work appropriate clothing so J. Crew here I come next Wednesday. I have so many things that I need to do before then, I can't believe that all of this school stuff will be over by then I and will be one step one month closer to starting senior year and finally having to be responsible for more than just me. Gasp!

I'm slowly easing myself back on to facebook almost solely for marketing purposes, but I am reaching out to  couple of people form high school that I haven't seen or talked to in years now. I left a lot of that on unpleasant terms and haven't really been willing or wanted to talk to any of them, but now that the semester is coming to an end and I've started to have to face the fact that I am on the precipice of beginning to move on with my life (no matter what Yonni says, I am not going back to Vermont) I've become a little nostalgic. So I'm taking advantage of that nostalgia to reach out to people before I get over it and don't care anymore.

I'm about to tackle my twenty page pre-final for Friday in a minute. I have to redo a paper as well and I want to get that done and the six page introspective piece that has to go in the portfolio and then I think I will celebrate actually getting stuff done with the last beer in the fridge while watching The Young Victoria for the thousandth time. I haven't had beer in weeks and I started watching the movie this morning before I ha to go into the lab so I think that that will be a nice break. What I would really like to do tonight is drive over to the beach and watch the sun rise but the weather is a little icky and I don't want to go alone and most of my friends are extremely unimpulsive, sorry friends, and the ones that are have a final tomorrow morning and would not take kindly to rushing back through the city so early.  

Trying to find the in-betweens, fall back in love eventually.

I'm watching Paper Heart right now. It is a documentary style movie about Charlyne Yi trying to find out about love and whether or not it exists. It's move about love and not about Charlene trying to find love, that part just sort of happens on it's own. Thank you Michael Cera. But anyways, there's a really great interview that she does with an older divorced man about love and true love and finding your soul mate. It's a very  touching moment coming from someone who was left in a marriage and has decided not to get married again because he is afraid of hurt. Check it out, it's a nice movie for those of us that are slightly defective in the love department. Morning Glory arrives in the mail tomorrow. I'm a big Rachel McAdams fan so I'll let you know how it is.

I made turkey balls for dinner tonight. Sounds gross, but they're really just meat balls made from ground turkey. I wanted to go for a leaner meat and I've never had ground turkey before so I thought I would try something new. I really like the ground turkey alternative to red meat. When I was making the balls I kept expecting the raw beef smell, so while I was rolling the balls I thought there was something wrong with the meat. There wasn't and they turned out really good. I made them the way I normally make regular meat balls, I just didn't make them the Aunt Val way. I don't have the patience or resources to go through all of that. I would rather just visit her on meat ball night.

I thought I might do some work tonight, but since I'm not doing anything for the next two days I'm going to just get up early and power through as much as I can and then finish the rest up on Thursday afternoon. If I really can't get to sleep in a little while I'll start my portfolio for Seminar and now that I think about it I really want to write the first draft of the first part so I'll probably just do that later and sleep in tomorrow morning. Meh.

Okay people, by the way I am NOT a clepto. I just happen to collect books the way some people collect pennies. I've just got very refined collecting skills and maybe one day I will share my experiences with the Stowe Free Library. 

But it was not your fault but mine, it was your heart on the line, I really fucked it up this time.

Yonni said he felt like a machine the other day, today I feel like Richard's new broken down tractor that he wants to fix up. I haven't had real sleep yet and I don't see it happening tonight, but I do see a full day of it on Wednesday to get me rested before a full day of work on Wednesday. Shout out to Kyle T. for taking my shift tomorrow night because after I finish the first part of Friday's assignment and do my paper rewrite I am going to go to sleep and try my hardest not to wake up for at least eight hours.

I feel like my body is invincible but not in the good way like when you complete an intense workout or narrowly miss getting hit my a SEPTA bus. It's more of an ongoing thing with my body. Like if I were to just shut down and the life flickered away form my eyes, by body would still keep on chugging at a slower sluggish pace but without a soul. I would be Dudley is if Harry hadn't been able to save him from the Dementors. But a thousand times skinnier and a girl. This morning I was in between projects so I decided to rest my eyes and listen to the creepy South Park episode with the demon Christmas animals. I was just lying in bed when my stomach filled with intense pain and I ended up spending the next hour vomiting in my tiny bathroom. I even brought my laptop in with me so I could listen, puke, do work, and shoot off some e-mails. I am quite the multitasker when I want to be.

I'm still in a little bit of shock about the whole bin Laden thing. I was completely unaware of it until I checked facebook before I went to class. They were talking about it on the radio while I drove to class and I have to admit that I got a little teary about everything. It's a strange feeling.

My American Lit. exam went well my the way Mom.

After the exam I ran some errands and then went to the airport with my journalism group. We're doing a story on the new mural that is being painted on the side of one of the parking garages as a part of the Philly Mural Arts program. We got too interview the lead artist (so cute and a ginger!) and take photos and video of the team working. John talked us through the project and how they have been basically wallpapering the side of a parking garage for the last month. It's a really fascinating and cool thing that they're working on and I'll tell you more about it once the journalism project is finished on Friday.

I came home from the airport and had a strong desire for strawberries and orange seltzer water so I stopped at Path Mark and loaded up and then went home. I think the combination of no sleep, sun, and moderate dehydration wiped me out because I downed a liter of seltzer, put on I'm Reed Fish and then promptly fell asleep for  few hours. I only woke up because Yonni and my mom ha texted me and my phone kept buzzing. When I woke woke up I thought it was already tomorrow and I panicked. It took me several minutes to calm myself down and not start crying. I decided to go visit Yonni at work instead of freak out. I brought him some of the strawberries I bought today and the chocolate I got at the Wilbur factory out in Lancaster because he said he was so drained and I wanted to bring him a pick-me-up.

I spent way more time at Borders than I had planned, but it was good because we haven't seen each other in a while because of all the madness of end of the year stuff and finals. I think it was good for him too. He's been reaching out to me more than usual lately. I don't mind because I love my friends and I'm always willing to listen when they need to talk about something and I'm secretly an old lonely lady on the inside, desperate for company. On my way home I ran over roadkill which made me feel a little terrible for running over the body of something. I swear I didn't see it until the very last second. Of course Yonni had to call and make fun of me, but it's all good.

I'm watching I'm Reed Fish right now. It was Alexis Bledel in it. I don't really like her since Gilmore Girls because she seems to be only a one trick pony when it comes to her acting. Katey Sagal plays the quirky town mayor and Jay Baruchel is the title character. I have had a secret crush on him since I saw him as super lame Tal in Nick and Norah. He's one of those awkward guilty pleasures of mine like Michael Cera or Christopher Mintze-Plasse. I watched The Town yesterday. Great movie. I wasn't expecting a lot from Ben Affleck, but that movie had to be his best work to date. He was great, the whole cast was great, and deep down I really hope that Claire went to Tangerine too.

I want a hug right now. I was going to get one tonight, but I was in a public place and hugging in public places is kind of like kissing in public places and being someone who is trying to go through life as anonymously as possible, I don't like to draw attention like that. That's why I stick to the internet. And if I need a hug now, by the end of the week I'm going to need someone to lie on top of me. I respond well to being slightly crushed, it calms my system and relaxes my body. Maybe I'll just lay down in front of the elephant at the zoo.

Mumford came on the radio earlier so that explains the title tonight.