I was driving down City Ave and the car in front of me had one of those decorative license plate tags that read something like "God is faithful." Now usually we see shit everywhere that tells us to be faithful to God or burn in Hell or that it is out job to be devoted to God or He will rain judgement down on us and again we will all burn in Hell. Just yesterday was supposed to be the Rapture where the select few who love Jesus rise to Heaven while the rest of us are left to try and survive seven years of the Apocalypse. The guy who predicted it didn't even get that part right. He said we would only have until September, which is not seven years or even seven months. I read an article about how this man's employees don't even believe that the end of the world is coming to an end anytime soon because they all planned to show up at work on Monday. There was one girl at work who had started to believe the bus ads and train station signs about the end of the world and I had to spend the week convincing her that she would be okay. In return she questioned us all about whether or not we believed in Jesus. To appease her I said yes, but to be honest I've never felt a very strong attachment to Jesus or the New Testament. I do believe in God, but I don't know if I really care about Jesus. I've always been more interested in the Old Testament and the origin of monotheism. The Old Testament also has the best stories, except for the one about John the Baptist getting his head cut off. I don't think it was always like this for me. I think it was somewhere in high school where I started to gravitate towards the older stories because I remember turning down a pocket sized version of the New Testament and asking for an Old one instead and my Mom's friend said that they don't make those and that the New one is more important. I felt immediately dislike for the New Testament and also started questioning what sort of religion I was involved in. I started taking big steps back and now I'm just sort of wandering around without any sort of faith. At school I took classes about the Old Testament and how it's more than just a religious collection of books, but a written account of history and the origins of a people and a language, and an account of the area. The one thing that I do love is the rigor and precise rituals of a mass. Other Christian religions are too loose in terms of ritual practice, but they also don't have as many problems that the Catholics face. I don't think that I can really switch to one of them anyways because I don't exactly believe in Jesus. So for now I'm just floating around figuring things out.
My mother will probably cry after reading this.
My mother will probably cry after reading this.
