Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Love, but not a love story.
"Any resemblance to people living or dead is purely coincidental ... Especially you, Jenny Beckman ... Bitch."
Thank you Jenny Beckman for being a bitch and inspiring (500) Days of Summer and the one movie that my romantic entanglements most closely resemble. WIthout you I never would have found a kindred spirit in Summer or started lusting over Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Instead I would probably still be insecure about my insecurities and would have had to wait to see Joseph Gordon-Levitt in Inception for him to become my favorite person ever. But really I think it's the clothing of the Tom character and the music that did it for me. Any guy who likes The Smiths and wears skinny ties under v-neck cardigans is cool with me. Unfortunately for some I do tend to take the Summer route in life because of my indecisiveness and my deep desire to live and breath everywhere and not in your parent's basement apartment while you work for your dad. I have no desire to settle tomorrow or in the next ten years, and so to the Tom's of the world: I am sorry I don't want to be in a relationship with you, don't ask me to try. But hey! We can be friends and see where it goes every once and a while.
A long time ago (long compared to my short existence, short compared to TIME) I was with the Accountant who wanted to move back to Vermont as soon as he was done with school. He wanted to marry me and move in with his parents in the middle of nowhere. He wanted to marry me as soon as school was over and stay on his plot of land until the day he died. He did not want to go anywhere or see anything and he looked down on me for not being like him. The Accountant treated me like a child who misbehaves when I got excited about things he thought were silly. My mother loved him and I was comfortable because I thought that there was no one else.
Then I grew a pair. Asshole when I say I don't want to date you, I mean it. Do not say it's because I want to enjoy my senior year of high school or that it is the distance. It's just you. You're creepy and mean and I want more from life than what you were willing to offer. Get over it already, stop texting me and fb stalking me. I'm not interested and I don't know why you still are. You made me quite and over-cautious around guys, just ask My Hebrew Friend who is desperately trying to get me to tell him perfectly normal things. Now I don't tell my mother about the boys I see and I don't let them meet my friends. I keep that part of my life holed up and to myself and completely separate from my everyday life. Thanks for Accountant.
I used to be a Tom and now I'm a Summer. I have my whole life ahead of me to get married and have a child and in turn fuck that child's life up more than I've fucked up my own. And it's going to happen with someone who wants be on that ride. Until then I'm carefree as a birdie and intend on keeping it that way, or at least until I have someone who I am sure about the way Summer was.
Thank you Jenny Beckman for being a bitch and inspiring (500) Days of Summer and the one movie that my romantic entanglements most closely resemble. WIthout you I never would have found a kindred spirit in Summer or started lusting over Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Instead I would probably still be insecure about my insecurities and would have had to wait to see Joseph Gordon-Levitt in Inception for him to become my favorite person ever. But really I think it's the clothing of the Tom character and the music that did it for me. Any guy who likes The Smiths and wears skinny ties under v-neck cardigans is cool with me. Unfortunately for some I do tend to take the Summer route in life because of my indecisiveness and my deep desire to live and breath everywhere and not in your parent's basement apartment while you work for your dad. I have no desire to settle tomorrow or in the next ten years, and so to the Tom's of the world: I am sorry I don't want to be in a relationship with you, don't ask me to try. But hey! We can be friends and see where it goes every once and a while.
A long time ago (long compared to my short existence, short compared to TIME) I was with the Accountant who wanted to move back to Vermont as soon as he was done with school. He wanted to marry me and move in with his parents in the middle of nowhere. He wanted to marry me as soon as school was over and stay on his plot of land until the day he died. He did not want to go anywhere or see anything and he looked down on me for not being like him. The Accountant treated me like a child who misbehaves when I got excited about things he thought were silly. My mother loved him and I was comfortable because I thought that there was no one else.
Then I grew a pair. Asshole when I say I don't want to date you, I mean it. Do not say it's because I want to enjoy my senior year of high school or that it is the distance. It's just you. You're creepy and mean and I want more from life than what you were willing to offer. Get over it already, stop texting me and fb stalking me. I'm not interested and I don't know why you still are. You made me quite and over-cautious around guys, just ask My Hebrew Friend who is desperately trying to get me to tell him perfectly normal things. Now I don't tell my mother about the boys I see and I don't let them meet my friends. I keep that part of my life holed up and to myself and completely separate from my everyday life. Thanks for Accountant.
I used to be a Tom and now I'm a Summer. I have my whole life ahead of me to get married and have a child and in turn fuck that child's life up more than I've fucked up my own. And it's going to happen with someone who wants be on that ride. Until then I'm carefree as a birdie and intend on keeping it that way, or at least until I have someone who I am sure about the way Summer was.
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