Dear Chase,

Dear Chase, 


I feel like I can call you Chase because you and me are so much alike. I would love to meet you someday. It would be great to have a catch. I know I can’t throw as fast as you, but I think you would be impressed by my speed. I love you hair. You run fast. Did you have a good relationship with your father? Me neither. These are all things we can talk about. And more. I know you have not been getting my letters because I know you would write back if you did. And I hope you write back this time and we get to be good friends. I’m sure our relationship would be a real home run.

Mac

I have been seeing posters all over campus with the Chase Utley letter on them advertising the Always Sunny marathon in the Perch and every time I see them I become ridiculously happy because the Chase Utley letter episode happens to be one of my all time favorite Always Sunny episodes and the scene where Dee reads the letter out loud is the funniest moment in the history of the show. Since I have been so extremely tired today I found the sign extra funny and have been laughing hysterically every time I read it. People are beginning to think I'm losing my mind (maybe I am). 

It's been a particularly exhausting weekend for me for some reason. Maybe the thousand hours of hockey and work and nearly no sleep is what's doing me in, oh let's face it I'm a fucking machine and a lack of sleep will not defeat me (even if I end up looking like a ghost). However if one more person comes up to me and tells me how tired I looking I will fucking lose it and punch them in the face. 

Tiredness aside, it's been a monumental weekend for SJU women's hockey. We had our first game as a part of the DVCHC league up in Hackensack against Columbia. We lost spectacularly, 2-10. Both goals were scored by defenders and both were really beautiful. I also sustained my first injury of the season: a bruise the shape of the velcro part of my elbow pad. Some girl rammed me hard enough that I now have a bruise from where a piece of my protective gear was pushed deep enough into my skin that it left a mark. It's not terrible and certainly not the worst I've had, but it's nice to start the season off with something small yet respectable. Some of my teammates need to start learning to take hit otherwise they are going to be in a world of hurt as the season progresses. I've certainly decided to use this to my advantage and work out my anger and frustration on the ice, mostly in my skating, but eventually it's going to be a challenge. W. mentioned that sometimes hockey can be the source of his frustration and I'm deeply afraid that that is what is happening to me. 

It's just frustrating that so many people say that they are committed to the team, but don't both coming to practice or to games. The club is still in its infancy and while we have been able to recruit a few girls each year we still lose people and if we can't be bothered to show up to practice, especially the people that need it the most, then we aren't going to win anything and it will become harder and harder to get girls interested in playing on the team. Clearly women's hockey is not as popular in Philadelphia as it is in other parts of the country and right now this is my only chance to play. I love skating and being on the ice and I am not ready to give it up just yet. I just find it extremely frustrating that I've been willing to sacrifice a lot of things, including my best friend's birthday, for this team and yet very few seem to be willing to do the same. Maybe I'm expecting too much, but I came to play to win and everyone else should be doing the same. 

Moving on, I've decided that maybe I should be carrying around a Moleskin-type notebook. Something small and thin that I can slip into my pocket or bag and whip out whenever I need to jot something down. This weekend I spent a lot of time typing notes into my phone for later writing ideas. I see and hear stuff that makes for amazing material and it's getting harder and harder to remember most of it in my old age. If I had a notebook I wouldn't have to remember it. 

In fact I had to write down everything I wanted to wrote about in this post because it had been so long since I was able to write. There's too much to cover, so I'm going to spread stuff out over the week, but I am going to end this with some music. W. has played Jimkata for me a couple of times now and the more I hear them the more I really love the stuff I hear. They're an electro-rock band out of upstate New York and their sound is mind blowing, a simple concept with amplified technique and power. It's easy to get lost in Jimkata's rhythms and let them take you someplace else. I've been listening to Devils in the Details on repeat since Saturday. You can download their album here >> I did it, you should too. 

Jimkata's Devils in the Details