Dear Chase,

Dear Chase, 


I feel like I can call you Chase because you and me are so much alike. I would love to meet you someday. It would be great to have a catch. I know I can’t throw as fast as you, but I think you would be impressed by my speed. I love you hair. You run fast. Did you have a good relationship with your father? Me neither. These are all things we can talk about. And more. I know you have not been getting my letters because I know you would write back if you did. And I hope you write back this time and we get to be good friends. I’m sure our relationship would be a real home run.

Mac

I have been seeing posters all over campus with the Chase Utley letter on them advertising the Always Sunny marathon in the Perch and every time I see them I become ridiculously happy because the Chase Utley letter episode happens to be one of my all time favorite Always Sunny episodes and the scene where Dee reads the letter out loud is the funniest moment in the history of the show. Since I have been so extremely tired today I found the sign extra funny and have been laughing hysterically every time I read it. People are beginning to think I'm losing my mind (maybe I am). 

It's been a particularly exhausting weekend for me for some reason. Maybe the thousand hours of hockey and work and nearly no sleep is what's doing me in, oh let's face it I'm a fucking machine and a lack of sleep will not defeat me (even if I end up looking like a ghost). However if one more person comes up to me and tells me how tired I looking I will fucking lose it and punch them in the face. 

Tiredness aside, it's been a monumental weekend for SJU women's hockey. We had our first game as a part of the DVCHC league up in Hackensack against Columbia. We lost spectacularly, 2-10. Both goals were scored by defenders and both were really beautiful. I also sustained my first injury of the season: a bruise the shape of the velcro part of my elbow pad. Some girl rammed me hard enough that I now have a bruise from where a piece of my protective gear was pushed deep enough into my skin that it left a mark. It's not terrible and certainly not the worst I've had, but it's nice to start the season off with something small yet respectable. Some of my teammates need to start learning to take hit otherwise they are going to be in a world of hurt as the season progresses. I've certainly decided to use this to my advantage and work out my anger and frustration on the ice, mostly in my skating, but eventually it's going to be a challenge. W. mentioned that sometimes hockey can be the source of his frustration and I'm deeply afraid that that is what is happening to me. 

It's just frustrating that so many people say that they are committed to the team, but don't both coming to practice or to games. The club is still in its infancy and while we have been able to recruit a few girls each year we still lose people and if we can't be bothered to show up to practice, especially the people that need it the most, then we aren't going to win anything and it will become harder and harder to get girls interested in playing on the team. Clearly women's hockey is not as popular in Philadelphia as it is in other parts of the country and right now this is my only chance to play. I love skating and being on the ice and I am not ready to give it up just yet. I just find it extremely frustrating that I've been willing to sacrifice a lot of things, including my best friend's birthday, for this team and yet very few seem to be willing to do the same. Maybe I'm expecting too much, but I came to play to win and everyone else should be doing the same. 

Moving on, I've decided that maybe I should be carrying around a Moleskin-type notebook. Something small and thin that I can slip into my pocket or bag and whip out whenever I need to jot something down. This weekend I spent a lot of time typing notes into my phone for later writing ideas. I see and hear stuff that makes for amazing material and it's getting harder and harder to remember most of it in my old age. If I had a notebook I wouldn't have to remember it. 

In fact I had to write down everything I wanted to wrote about in this post because it had been so long since I was able to write. There's too much to cover, so I'm going to spread stuff out over the week, but I am going to end this with some music. W. has played Jimkata for me a couple of times now and the more I hear them the more I really love the stuff I hear. They're an electro-rock band out of upstate New York and their sound is mind blowing, a simple concept with amplified technique and power. It's easy to get lost in Jimkata's rhythms and let them take you someplace else. I've been listening to Devils in the Details on repeat since Saturday. You can download their album here >> I did it, you should too. 

Jimkata's Devils in the Details

Phreezing in Philadelphia.

It's Friday and the week is ending somewhere in the 65 degrees range. It was somewhere in the 90s on Monday. I'm pretty sure that yesterday the weather froze over in the short time I was in class because when I went in I was comfortable in a skirt and tank top and when I came out I was trying to fit my entire body into my book bag to keep warm. I ended up getting fro yo later, but that's a whole other topic on choices I make with my life. Anyways this cold weather shift means the advent of fall and fall means a whole lot of goodies. Usually I consider my birthday to be the end of summer and the beginning of fall, but hey I can start today if I want to.

With the new season comes a few things that I am looking forward to.

1. Fall sports! Everyone knows that Stowe Loves Sports, just look at the green and white umbrellas lined up along the fields. I fortunately took that love with me to Philadelphia where I am currently playing field hockey and ice hockey as much as possible. So much fun. Unfortunately (or fortunately if I were an insomniac) I found out that I have field hockey practice from 10pm to midnight and 5am ice hockey practice on Thursdays. There is a strong possibility of me not making it to December.

2. Candy Corn Pumpkins! I love candy corn and more specifically the pumpkins that come in the fall mix or if you hunt hard enough in their own individual bags. I love the pumpkins to the point where whenever I go to Target I pick up a bag and leave it around places I frequent so that there is also a tasty treat when I'm least expecting it (my car). I also need to pick up Boggle the next time I'm target too.

3. Knitting! Yes I am a knitting dork and no I can't make you a sweater, yet. I love knitting but have found that I only really like doing it when the weather turns colder. Sitting under a pile of yarn in the heat is just no fun. I recently found out that one of my good friends is a closet knitter and she also happens to be one of my neighbors. I'm a little sad though that Cynthia! and I will no longer be able to knit/crochet in the Borders break room anymore :(

Apparently Gene Simmons knits too.

4. Sweaters! I love sweaters and summer/fall/winter/spring I make it work whenever I can. I have definitely been the girl in the 90 degree heat wearing a sweater because I thought it was cool. I recently discovered that my mother has been hoarding a few cool selection underneath her really really ugly Christmas ones and the next time I am there I will be claiming them. My Hebrew Friend has also discovered the joys of J. Crew and their beautiful sweaters for men. The next time I go to the outlets I am taking him along.

5. Apples! Apple picking, apple cider, apple pie are all awesome reasons to look forwards to fall. I can't wait to get a minute to go apple picking and make up new apple creations. I just need to find the recipe for the apple cranberry crisp that is served every Thanksgiving and I will be in business.

Sunday Funday. Samantha what are you thinking?

I feel tired and sore. I should have made Yonni put the Pain-A-Trait on my shoulder while he was still here. Gah what was I thinking? I have the worst actually-use-my-resources-when-Iave-them-at-the-time skills sometimes. Of course now that he's gone I'm actually starting to notice the pain in THE SHOULDER. I'm not a big fan of people rubbing IcyHot into me because they always have a weird touch and it is usually more painful than it should be, but THE SHOULDER is in the spot that I can never quite reach and have effective fingers on it. Yonni's giant man-palm would have been perfect for the task. Of course I suck at actually getting people to hit THE SHOULDER just right anyways so it probably would have been a total waste and he would have spent the rest of his night with a wintergreen smelling palm.

THE SHOULDER hurts because of my awesome ice hockey game today against Villanova. It was great; we had a better turnout than the women's basketball team, which is funny because this was our first game ever. We lost of course, but we did score a goal and we didn't loose by ten like we did at Navy. Missed that game so I don't really have anything to compare the team's playing too, but they did great. HUGE improvement since we started together in the fall. Guy being there last practice really helped us out. His drills really made a lot of the girls realize what hockey is about: skating.We might have another game and we're definitely going to be in the league so next year I'm going to have to invite some of my friends to the games. T said he invited Dr. A. so next time he has to come. Miss that guy. And Ginger Dan totally let T down, but hey she gets out of McGroddy now if she wants.

Other News of the Night: I finally finished The Dark Knight. I know, it only took me a week. I watched it with Yonni who kept saying all of the lines before they happened and I wanted to smack him, but then I just got used to it and it started being really funny by the end. ALSO Samantha supposedly got a tattoo. I'm not entirely sure that it's real just yet or if she's lying to my mom to freak her out, but all signs so far point to real. Seriously Samantha? You won't have sex, but you'll get a tattoo? Personally I'd go with the sex. If you're safe it's way less permanent and you can hold it over your mother forever. So much fun in a Catholic guilt sort of way. Plus you get to see a whole other side of Aunt Val. I toyed with the idea of getting one once either a physics joke about Newton's apple with e=mc^2 (it's the world) or my husband's name on the inside of my thing up near you know where. Kind of trashy and way too permanent. I think I'd rather spend the money on a boat someday and just have sex with my husband in the sun on it somewhere really really warm. 

An even worse title than my fiction piece.

I have The Carpenter's Superstar stuck in my head, but not the version by The Carpenters. It's the one done by Sonic Youth, the one people know from Juno when Jason Bateman gets all creepy on Ellen Page.

I just found out my journalism class is cancelled for tomorrow morning, which is both a good and a bad thing. Good because that class is getting annoying and draining and I've definitely come to the realization that while I have learned a lot about internet publication and multimedia presentation, I do not want to be a journalist. Sorry Aunt Sylvia, but you'll have to find another relation to follow in your footsteps. It's bad though because it now means I have more time to procrastinate working on my fiction piece that's due for workshop. I have to have fourteen copies to hand out in class so my classmates can tear it apart on Monday. I got a good start done before I went to work today and I only need another hour or so working at a solid pace to get a decent draft done for class. I just need to suck it up and do it.

Today practice was fantastic despite Lauren and I refusing to get out of the car and Lauren texting me a million times to make sure I would come get her at 5am. Thank god she texts me for a solid half hour before I get her otherwise I would just roll over and go back to sleep. Today Guy came and did a whole practice on skating. Not very technically challenging for me because of my background, but I definitely got a solid workout in. My body is soooo sore right now from skating on my butt Russian circles, but now everyone knows I can do a Shoot the Duck on both feet and ended up being demonstrator for half the drills. Not terrible because Guy and I ended up having a great chat about skating and how hockey is 90% skating and that everyone should start out with the intensive training that figure skaters go through. Most of the girls think that I'm naturally good on the ice, but they don't realize that I've been drilled and tested on cross-overs and edges for years and that I actually competed in events just for skating around the rink on my inside and outside edges. I had to put a lot of work, discipline, and muscle training into being able to do just half a lap of power pulls. The girls don't have to come close to what I do, but they need to realize that it takes a lot more to get even just good blade control than what they're giving now.

Rawr I wish my body didn't hurt so bad. Maybe the soreness will keep me awake long enough to finish my story or maybe I will just fall asleep ad wake up like a broke pretzel. We shall see...

Why so sleepy?

Snap, crackle, pop, FUCK! I hate that it's 11pm and I have all of this energy. Where was it this morning when the rain and cold made me sleepy and want to lay in bed all morning? I have l'hockey in the morning and I've tasked Lauren with making sure I come pick her up in the morning. The only thing that's motivating me is that this is out last morning practice of the semester and the idea of the super hot steamy shower that I plan on taking for a long while to warm up after power skating with Guy (pronounced Gee). Oh man that sounds good. Writing this is making me sleepy thank god and I can't believe that this is the second time this week that I've posted three times in a day. Writing this blog is the new vacuuming when it comes to procrastination. Guess who won't be going out tomorrow night since she didn't write her fiction piece today. Not that I really enjoy going out Thursdays anyways. It's too much after being up since 4am and having to get up again on Friday. I'll go out Friday when I'll have a chance to better enjoy my friends' company. Love my friends, especially some of my work friends. In fact I think I actually like my new work friends than some of my other friends that have been kind of lame recently. I should start reevaluating the people I have in my life and start separating myself from the people that haven't been very good for me. Poo, I love my friends, I don't really want to have to do that, but I need to take care of me first.

On a happier note I have become obsessed with all things that feel soft and fluffy on my nose when I get cold and sleepy. These soft items include the fuzzy lamb skin I keep in bed, nice smelling chest hair on attractive men, and flannel sheets. So if you know of anything or anyone that is incredibly soft, I am taking applications for the next cold and rainy day.

MUST MUST get some sleep tonight!

Sink or swim?

You know you've somehow hit a new low in your life when your mother is sending you some random emails about the dangers of stress eating and weight management. Of course it could be just because we're about to go on vacation and she doesn't want to be embarrassed by how I look in a bathing suit or the fact that I'm living paycheck to paycheck and she's figured that I'm not eat properly. I'm going to say that it's a bit of both, my mother is a complex woman like that.

I've been awake now for a little more than 12 hours. Around 11:00am I was already so exhausted from being practice and getting over being sick that I wanted to kill something. I had to settle with trampling some grass on Claver Lawn. About as satisfying as you would think. Practice was good today, except for the whole ralphing thing, but that didn't hit until near the end so overall not a terribly big deal. Plus Brian was concerned and that's always nice. We actually had a scrimmage and practiced lines and tried to get as close to actual gameplay as possible. The team is going to a tournament in Maryland this weekend and they need to know what they're doing before they go. I can't be with them, I have to serve coffee to Mainliners all weekend. The only lame thing about practice was that Therese brought along some kid who ended up being more of a hindrance than a help. I think she wanted someone to help run drills in case we didn't have most of our coaches this morning.

I think Marg wants to go out tonight. I'll go out with her but I'm getting one ginger ale have a little girl chat and then I'm back to the apartment to write a quick paper. I need to get that and some creative writing done for tomorrow. Slowly I'm falling behind and this weekend is my very last chance to get caught up before it's too late. So either expect very little from me this weekend or a lot because I'll be procrastinating as much as possible. 

Dreamless in Philadelphia.

My dreams are driving me insane, I need to stop dreaming. Lately I've been dreaming about mundane things that have little peculiarities about them and they are always about people I know. I've been having recurring dreams about work. Nothing exciting happens, we just serve coffee and everyone I usually work with is there: The Ballerina, Willa Cather, Betty Page, and My Hebrew Friend. I told The Ballerina about my work dreams and she thinks I'm insane for dreaming about a place we hate and the fact that all we do in my dreams is just serve coffee. How mundane. The other recurring and boring dream that I've been having is about hockey. It's just reenactments of practices but there's usually something a little out of place. One there were four goals being used and another time there were player from my high school team mixed in with my current team. All very strange, all very boring, and all recurring.

Last night I had my strangest dream in a while. Usually I can't remember when I've had those dreams, I just wake up with that feeling of deep distress and I know that something happened. Last night right before I was awake I felt like this dream I needed to remember so when I finally did wake up I had to struggle to remember everything. The dream was about a friend of mine and my sister and a friend of a friend. It seemed to have begun after I fell asleep because I remember being called out of my sleep to have to go find my friend. I ended up in a house where my sister was the roommate of my friend's friend. Very strange because my sister is in CT and six years younger than her dream roommate. My sister does not play well with people who are too much older than her. The details about what happened next are a little fuzzy and very embarrassing for me, but I ended up having a fight with my friend and spent a large portion of the dream being mad and doing my laundry in the strange house. Even the boring and mundane seems to be creeping into my exciting dreams. Though this dream wasn't so much exciting as it was upsetting and terrible, it just didn't have hockey or coffee in it. It wasn't exciting it was just new. After hours of laundry I sort of made up with my friend, stopped doing laundry, and then everything faded to black.

I woke up this morning, had a bunch of unopened texts, convinced myself I've started doing things in my sleep again, wrote about my dreams, and now I have to get ready for work.

So this is cool.

February has certainly been my writing month. I think I'm trying to get it all in before I decide to go on hiatus. Usually happens in the summer months when I get super busy with work. Last summer I sat in front of a computer screen inputing course numbers into a spread sheet all day. By the time I was finished I couldn't write even if I had wanted to. This summer I may just power through, especially if I end up with a job that keeps be away from a computer. I should just go home and work for a landscaping company or a gardening service. If I did that I could waitress at the Hob Knob a few nights a week and spend the rest of the time on the boat. By then Kate and Batman will have had their mocha baby and I can play with it in the kitchen when the dining room is slow. I'm super excited for this kid to be born and I can stop having sympathy food cravings when I work with Kate. Though let's face it, I have the tastebuds of a pregnant woman all of the time. I'll probably end up with a normal palet when I pop my own out. Shames. Of course I would have to share the boat with Samantha, but we all know who Lance's favorite is. Get your boating license bitch.

Right now I am slated to spend the summer in Philadelphia agian. Hopefully my last. I have to take Western Civ II before it goes extinct and maybe a theorlogy or English class. Maybe both. I haven't decided if I want to go after a theology minor yet, but if I do I have to start it this summer. It only means three more religion courses above a certain level which is no problem, I just need to make sure I have enough room with my new major requirements. I do enjoy the summer in the city. It is much more warmer and sunnier than in Vermont and now that I have Twila I can make the trip out to Sea Side and Toms River. A weekend in the park sounds nice with all of the cold weather I have been experiencing in Philadelphia. Of course it's nothing like Vermont right now. I swear Lance is counting down to the seconds when we can leave for the Keys.

I had hockey this morning and Norberg was there. Love Norberg. Apparently so does every other female on campus. I mentioned my love of him in my Sophomore Seminar class and the professor said that the department had been hoping that the Norberg craze had died down. Apparently she hasn't been seeing the long line of girls that are outside of his office during every single one of his office hours. Anyways hockey has been improving. The girls have gotten the hang of skating and holding their sticks. Puck handling has been improving for everyone. Captain has been trying to get the girls to go to an open hockey time at the Skatium and if it's during a night when I'm not at Borders or if I can go afterwards, I'll join them. I also want to get in some freestyle time before Penn closes for the season. Their website and the skate board at the rink say conflicting things so I'm going to have to call down there when I get a chance. Hopefully it's the website that's right because I can only go Tuesday mornings before classes.

Carb Oh! Load.

Tomorrow is hockey down at Penn! Woot! Which means that in a few hours I will either be asleep and dead to the world or I will still up trying to keep myself from falling asleep, which usually never works and I end up over sleeping and missing what I didn't want to miss in the first place. It's a vicious cycle with me. We didn't have practice last week because of the weather, so it's ben a while since I've had to get up very early, which means that tomorrow night at work I will be asleep in the sink while My Hebrew Friend sells all the coffee to all the fine people of Wynnewood and the stupid ass teenagers who have nothing better to do with themselves on a Friday night. It's also going to be the first time that we have music in the locker room to wake everyone up and get them psyched to go out on the ice. Suiting up instantly made everyone a better skater so maybe a little music to pump them up will make them even better. Dear Lord I hope so! The (fun) part about this is that everyone is responsible for making a mix each week. I'm going to have to dig out some stuff but I may have to settle for Surfer Blood or Muse or maybe I'll get My Hebrew Friend to  help me out. He seems to be the expert in loud wake you up happy music that is popular with the masses.

Hebrew Friend, yes you, read Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. It will make you better read. Plus Hunter S. Thompson is really cool like that comment said. I haven't read Hell's Angels yet, but that's supposed to be good too.

I ate carbs for dinner tonight because I have practice in the morning and I'm going to need a little extra energy to get going and now I'm sleeping and want to crawl into bed, a little lame since it's only 9pm, but hey when you have do get up at 4:30am you do what you have to do. On the bright side some of the things in my bed smell a little bit like my perfume which is nice and pretty smelling. Love pretty girly smelling things. I also love Valentine's Day and have been looking for pretty cards for people. Target has already started looking pink and as stocked up on all things chocolatey so as soon as the 15th rolls around I will be in there stocking up on discounted chocolates. And by then I will have money again.