So this is life... after graduation.

It's been an adjustment ending college and moving back home. I went from moving 100 mph to about 5 mph in the blink of an eye. The shock of having a tightly scheduled life almost everyday and then no longer having courses and being temporarily unemployed is taking a bigger toll on me than I realized. I knew that it would be tough setting into this new stage in my life, but not this tough. My cousin made a point to tell to take this time to focus on myself and do things for me while I look for a job and get focused. My uncle told me to use the time to enjoy myself, but put my studies to good use (whatever that means). I want to do all of these things and really dive back into life in Vermont. For the first couple of days I did just that. I unpacked and organized all of my belongings back into my parents' house then journeyed to Connecticut. 

Connecticut was a phenomenal time with Slolly and her family. I got to have one last hurrah to celebrate graduation and meet some great new people. I even got invited to a polo party next weekend in Greenwich where I was assured I would be able to find a nice starter husband. Ever since getting back to Vermont though, I've hit a block where all I want to do is lounge about watching old episodes of Frasier in bed with the curtains closed eating gourmet coffee ice cream in bed. Not exactly the plan I had for myself. Today I pushed myself to get up and going. After waking up at 6am and watching several hours of missed television on Hulu (it's been an adjustment getting used to cable again) I went outside. The weather was beautiful, somewhere in the high 70s and very sunny. With no real direction I started gessoing old canvases and digging in the garden. 

Between finishing up thank you notes and sending out job inquiry e-mails I am slowly figuring out how to have my first real summer since high school. I have some big personal projects in the works and with Moonrise Kingdom coming out next week I will eventually get myself on some track with my life even if it means only going about 45 mph while I'm relearning country living. 

Our party cake was dropped on the ground outside so we had to eat all the deliciousness before the birds and insects got to it. 

Dreamless in Philadelphia.

My dreams are driving me insane, I need to stop dreaming. Lately I've been dreaming about mundane things that have little peculiarities about them and they are always about people I know. I've been having recurring dreams about work. Nothing exciting happens, we just serve coffee and everyone I usually work with is there: The Ballerina, Willa Cather, Betty Page, and My Hebrew Friend. I told The Ballerina about my work dreams and she thinks I'm insane for dreaming about a place we hate and the fact that all we do in my dreams is just serve coffee. How mundane. The other recurring and boring dream that I've been having is about hockey. It's just reenactments of practices but there's usually something a little out of place. One there were four goals being used and another time there were player from my high school team mixed in with my current team. All very strange, all very boring, and all recurring.

Last night I had my strangest dream in a while. Usually I can't remember when I've had those dreams, I just wake up with that feeling of deep distress and I know that something happened. Last night right before I was awake I felt like this dream I needed to remember so when I finally did wake up I had to struggle to remember everything. The dream was about a friend of mine and my sister and a friend of a friend. It seemed to have begun after I fell asleep because I remember being called out of my sleep to have to go find my friend. I ended up in a house where my sister was the roommate of my friend's friend. Very strange because my sister is in CT and six years younger than her dream roommate. My sister does not play well with people who are too much older than her. The details about what happened next are a little fuzzy and very embarrassing for me, but I ended up having a fight with my friend and spent a large portion of the dream being mad and doing my laundry in the strange house. Even the boring and mundane seems to be creeping into my exciting dreams. Though this dream wasn't so much exciting as it was upsetting and terrible, it just didn't have hockey or coffee in it. It wasn't exciting it was just new. After hours of laundry I sort of made up with my friend, stopped doing laundry, and then everything faded to black.

I woke up this morning, had a bunch of unopened texts, convinced myself I've started doing things in my sleep again, wrote about my dreams, and now I have to get ready for work.