Into the academic wild.

This week has been the first week of what will have to be the rest of the next year and a half (that's right my life has become another cliche). Otherwise Lance is going to drag me out of here and I will end up a freaky hybrid of him and Alexander Supertramp, wander the world and working in the restaurant industry. Oooh maybe then someone will write the story about my tragic demise in some remote part of the world. Wouldn't that be thrilling? I think so! Previously I had been studying physics for the past billion years that I have been in Philadelphia, this fall I had a meltdown and now I am not studying physics. It was a good meltdown too. The slow smoldering kind that eats you away inside and develops trigger points until something silly sets you off. That's what happened to me. One day I was perfectly fine and the next I was sobbing my way across Lower Merion and My Hebrew Friend had wipe up the hot mess I brought into work with me.

As of now I'm learning about English and focusing on writing. Contrary to my parents' and most other people's belief I did not choose this because of a boy. Boys schmoys. I only really chose English because it is something I can do and will be able to graduate sooner than later. After seeing the pilot for Portlandia, the sooner I can get out to Portland, Oregon the better. At least for me, maybe not my mother. Other than Portland I have no real life plans anymore. I went from having the very last detail planned out for the next ten years to not knowing where I will be next week and what I will be doing apart from school and work. A friend once told me I had my whole life to experience sex and not to rush it. Since it is too late for the sex part (forgive me mom and mom's friends) I am going to apply it to life. I have my whole life to figure out what I want to do and where I want to go. Lance didn't even get a suit wearing job until he was thirty-six, so I see no real reason to settle down with anything or anyone, anytime soon. Go me!

On a lighter, more aesthetic note, My Hebrew Friend got a haircut and he looks smashing, especially with the beard. Much shorter than I have ever seen him, his hair is very pretty and fun to rub your hand over it. Of course I have always been partial to guys with shorter hair and beards, so I applaud you My Hebrew Friend and think you should embrace your pretty hair.

Currently I am watching Marie Antoinette. The scene where the lot of them are creating a ruckus in the field to see the sunrise is going to be me someday but instead of French royalty, I'll have Marg and maybe My Hebrew Friend is I can drag him away from The Jersey Shore for long enough.

Another familiar hot mess. 

Silly People, Barbies are for Sex!

Don't blog late at night, you might end up writing ridiculous open letters and come off like a total asshole. And believe me, I am excellent at making an ass of myself, just ask my father. Or my mother. A little while back when I was visiting my parents in Vermont we were out drinking at the Matterhorn and I blurted out that I needed some marijuana right then and there. Of course it was anything subtle, I started my saying that I wanted some pot and when my parents couldn't hear me I said I needed some marijuana, only it was a little louder and I sounded out the syllables, mar-i-ju-ana. My mother thinks I'm insane and a budding alcoholic. In my defense I had had two and a half mai tais made by Jesse, which means they were 80% pure rum with a cherry on top and they were served in pint glasses.


Today at work I was working with Betty Page and I closed with The Ballerina. Both are exceptional coworkers even if one works a tad harder than the other. I usually don't get a chance to work with Betty Page but now that I have different hours I see her more often. Betty Page is incredibly funny and has a dark sense of humor. I love her back of the throat laugh. The Ballerina and I have been closing together since I started working in the cafe. She and I have developed a finely honed rhythm to shutting down and can do it  in twenty minutes or less, except when we are working with M. Like tonight. Tonight The Ballerina had a copy of Marie Claire magazine and was reading weird stories about peoples' sexual experiences out loud to us and we spent good portion laughing at how ridiculous people can be. Seriously who is so desperate to experience sex that they tear their own hymen by sticking their Barbie doll's legs up their vagina? Gadzooks! Closing with M is also a good thing because I am certainly guaranteed to be home by 10:45pm. No work until next Thursday!

Also Cute Asian Boy was in again.

To Yonni.

Hahaha I was about to get into writing this when the power went out. And then I fell asleep.

You told me that you kind of have me figured out. You said that you know me as a person, but that I struggle to tell you things about myself and that getting me to talk is like puling teeth. Which it is, I am much more willing to volunteer information about others than myself. It's the way I am, the way I was raised to leave no trace. Though that may have been more about camping than about human nature. Anyways it's a quality about myself that has let me easily transition from place to place without having deep emotional ties to people, it's also part of my soulessness, and also why I tend to not date much. By not sharing with others I am able to flit around as I please and not worry about the consequences that affect other people. Kind of like not having an emotional paper trail. 

You have only seen a very small portion of me as we have not known each other long. I know it's silly to say something like that, like I'm some sort of deeply emotional person with varying and fascinating characteristics. It's true though, we haven't known each other very long at all. You've also never seen me in my element. It's always at work, or after work, or after I've been working, or after a night class when I'm tired and drained for the day and the only reason I want to be around you is because you're a welcoming distraction for the end of the day. You've only known me in one of the lower times in my life. In the brief time that we've known each other you've witnessed one of the biggest landslides in my life. Someone had to, but it's not really how I am mostly. The picture on my Tumblr of me with my mouth open, that's what it's mostly like. Especially between the hours of 10am and 10pm. We've just never been anywhere for you to see me like that. 

Those texts you sometimes get where you think I'm not so sober? I'm usually not drunk and am just hiding behind that excuse so that if I do end up saying something stupid or regretful, I have something to hide my reasoning behind. I'm not ashamed I just don't text you again because I don't want you to think I'm clingy and that I'm a needy friend. Sometimes I just forget about using my phone at all some days too. I'm not comfortable sharing everything with you. I don't even share with my parents. Even stupid things about what movies I've watched or what music I've been listening to on my ipod. I sometimes only you tell you stuff because you're silly teasing finally gets to me and I have to say something to shut you up. I like when you do it though, otherwise no one would know anything about me. 

The post I wrote awhile ago on Tumblr is still true. You are one of the most genuine and endearing people that I know. I can tell about how you talk about your relationship with Kyle and the way you get excited about quoting your favorite movies. 

Ravenclaw is the best house. They have all of the wit and cunning of Slytherine and the courage of Gryffindor. They just know how to weigh the pros and cons of their actions before diving head first into things. They are incredibly smart and not at all 'Puffs. Cho Change was a fluke. 

Thao with The Get Down Stay Down

When We Swam by Thao with The Get Down Stay Down.

The Secret Garden: Literary and Cinematic Gold

I'm not writing. I don't want to write. Writing is stupid. I feel like I'm in eight grade and my mother is standing over my shoulder making sure I'm getting my homework done. I don't like writing. Yet tonight, I write.

I was watching The Secret Garden the other day when I was visiting my aunt's house and I have come to the conclusion that children's stories today are really quite terrible. They have no imagination or creativity and they gloss over the realities of life. The Secret Garden was written in 1909 and dealt with sickness, death, and abandonment great detail. The words chosen for the story are not dumbed down for a slow reader and they story is not fluffed up with silly qualifiers about mediocrity and love or everyone. The Secret Garden was a hauntingly real story that many children could relate to at the time, and while the childhood tragedies on the 19th and 20th have changed and have all but disappeared, many of them are still the same hardships that children face everyday including death, abandonment, and relocation.

The movie done in 1993 was very true to the book, but even the modern film omitted some of the harder to understand aspects of the book. Maybe death by cholera is not as cinematicly appealing as a great earthquake, but it certainly is much harder n a child to understand a deadly sickness in a far away land. I do still think that this movie is well done and I find that I am seeing new things that were not as clear to me when I was five. The scene where Mary's mother abandons her infant daughter in the jungle is much more clear.

The Secret Garden was not the first of it's kind. Peter Pan and Alice in Wonderland were also classic children's stories dealing with adult issue and written for what would now be considered an eight grade reading level. Total fail on childhood literacy right there and overprotective parents.

Tonight I also have the hiccoughs.

Oh Mondays!

Once again it's almost 7 pm and I  am falling asleep. I've just eaten a balanced dinner and had a glass of wine and now I'm sitting on the couch writing to stay awake. If any of my mother's friends could see me they would say that I am turning into her. My mother would say I haven't eaten a proper meal, my father would tell me that sleep is good, but I think it's really the three glasses of Crane Lake merlot that I've indulged in. Red wine does that to me; I can be going strong on Tanqueray for hours, but get a glass of red in me and I'm down for the count. While some would say that my lushiness is the result of some dangerous genes floating around inside of me, I prefer to think that it is just the 21 year-old in me bursting to get out. Now if I'm still going this strong in five or six years then we can chat.

Tonight I cooked all things Mediterranean making a lemon and garlic vinaigrette salad and a frutti di mare pasta dish. I was partially inspired by my  Hebrew Friend's latest post about eating in and the fact that if I don't start eating my Dad has threatened to come down and stay with me for a while. Apparently the fifteen pounds of Taco Bell that I've gained this semester from stress eating doesn't qualify as food for he and my mother.  My sister's freshman fifteen weight gain on the other hand is not a problem for them. But anyways, to get them off my back I have been cooking anything and everything and then letting my dad know. It's kind of hard in my teeny tiny kitchen, I need more counter space and bigger sink, but I make it work. My parents kitchen is fantastic, whenever I visit I usually bake a few things because of their superior ovens and kitchen appliances. If definitely sometimes pays to have a parent of cooks professionally. The only time it really doesn't is when he's too tired to cook and you end up growing up living off of spaghetti or grilled cheese and tomato soup. My mother was no help on the cooking front. Being a "career lady" she does not fair to well with the domestic arts. Only recently has she been able to build up her cooking repertoire to a tomato based southwestern soup, apple sauce, and carrot and flaxseed muffins. The muffins are particularly popular with her nordic and hiking friends. For Christmas she received a slow cooker recipe book which in turn led to an actual slow cooker so now she safely experiment with food without overcooking it too badly or burning the house down. Go Mom!

Tomorrow I am getting my hair cut for the first time in a year by my uncle over at Seasonal Designs in Plymouth Meeting. I'm pretty excited about it. I'm thinking about bangs but I'm not sure what style. It's between A.J. Cook bangs or Camilla Belle fringe. Oh the decisions!

Back to Borders.

I can't sleep so I'll write.

After three weeks in Vermont, I have finally returned to Philadelphia and back to Borders. Yay! (You'd get it if you worked there). Upon my return I saw that a few people had been removed from the board and you know what that means, a little sad but that's the way life is: get a job, get more money, leave Borders. Anyways since my schedule is always a little different each week, reasons unknown, I ended up getting to work extra early and had the chance to read a book I had started before I left for break. I love the book in the YA section, they are an easy break from actual work which makes them easy to find your place after three weeks. It was also the first Friday in a long time that I got to work with E. Usually she has dance, but not this week! I'm not really sure why I had to come in other than to help train a new employee since I have rearranged my work schedule and have different hours and days than before. I have almost a week off until I have to go in next. The sad part about tonight was that it was my first shift without A. A accepted a nice job far away and is no longer working at Borders. Easily the best person ever, E and I are a little sad, a lot. For the most part work was uneventful until my ride home when I heard a disturbing promotion on the radio.

On my ride home I was listening to one of the local radio stations and they are doing a promotion to give away a free breast augmentation to some "lucky" woman. I'm completely appalled that people are okay with this. The slogan was about looking your best to feel your best. I think it is terrible that we as a society have convinced women that they need to go under the knife to make any sort of positive transformation in the lives. Be happy with who you are and find people who appreciate you for who are and surround yourself wit them. Women need to realize that there are other safer and natural ways to change themselves if they really feel they have to. Cosmetic surgery is not going to change how you feel on the inside, it's only going to alter how you look on the outside and sometimes those alternations do not go as people hoped they would. If you really want to look your best, start by exercising. Exercising and eating healthy will not only help transform your body, but it will also release endorphins that will get you thinking more positively about yourself, something surgery can't.

This year exercising and eating healthy are on my list of resolutions because I don't want to someday have to go under the knife to bypass. I suggest that everyone try to make one extra healthy modification to their lifestyles to boost their health and self-esteem.

The stupid radio promotion still has me mad :(