Lucky me.

Of all the lame shitty things that are a part of being me, there is one pretty cool thing. I have this knack for things always turning out okay even when they mostly likely won't and in situations where most people would be freaking out, I'm always very chill almost to the point where I don't care about the consequences of what has happened to me. For example, take last night. Last night I got very drunk and lost part of my keys while I was at a bar. When it was time for me to leave I couldn't find what I was looking for in my jacket or in my car. I drunkenly fumbled around where I had been sitting in the bar trying to find my keys. My friend, who was much more sober than me, kind of helped me and handled me like I was some sort of time bomb about to explode from worry about not finding my keys. He tried to rationalize that as long as I had my car locked and the keys to my apartment that I would be okay and that I would still be able to get inside my building because people are always going in and out and that my car was safe where it was and that I would still be able to drive home in the morning. Of course I would be able to do these things. I'm Lance's kid. I've been able to do things for myself longer than most adults. And it is because of this that I knew that I was not going to freak out or explode from worry about a missing key. It's not the end of the world for me and I told my friend so. He was cool about it and backed off. He dropped me off at my building and I was able to squeeze in through the doors and get into my apartment just fine. The next morning I took a bus out to where my car was parked and low and behold, my key was in the snow beside my car. It must have fallen out when I was smoking cloves. The point is I always somehow know that things like that are going to work out for me and that all is not lost. I don't get frustrated or freaked out the way most people would, unless I am super tired. I did it once and it was stupid.

I'm in the library right now doing homework and it's not as warm as it usually is on the upper floors. In fact it is rather cold and uncomfortable and if I didn't have to write a paper for tomorrow I would have left and gone back home a long time ago. I also have a strong desire for some inappropriate things right now, but I need to get work done so I'm ignoring them. Dinner plans later maybe, I'm not sure what I want to do.

Thanks for the ride last night, I appreciate it.

And Mom, this is a good thing. It means you can worry less about me. 

How lovely to be a girl.

Today at work My Hebrew Friend tried to give me a hard time about being a girl and while my mother would have bitch slapped hi to an inch of his life, I chose to ignore him and think of all the fantastic things about being a girl that I love.

I love when I can dress up in my pretty clothes. Right now it is winter in Philadelphia and I can't wear my pretty dresses with the flowers all over them or the pastel cardigans and leather sandals that fill my closet. I the summer I wear dresses more than anything else because they are so light and airy. I love the ruffles on my sweaters and the way my skirts twirl out when I spin. I love white pearls and my pearl stud earrings that I get once a year from Cathy and Adam. I love the long strands of pearl necklaces that I got from my grandmother and the strand that my mother wore on her wedding. I love that they are so plain and pretty, but still very feminine without being showy like diamonds.

Makeup is another thing that is special about being a girl. As daunting as it can be to put it on sometimes, it's still fun to put on pink blushes or bright red lipstick. I love blush. It's the one cosmetic that goes with everything. Just a shimmery pat of powder that brushes on in a hurry. It's fun to sit in front of the mirror and brush different colors over my skin to see how they change my face. I love my perfume that I rarely wear because it smells so wonderful that I try to save it for special occasions. It comes in a beautiful delicate bottle with a houndstooth etching on the bottom and a silver bow on the cap. Even the label is designed in the most feminine script.

My shower is filled with girly soaps and shampoos and under my sink is a collection of pink bath products that make being a girl feel luxurious. It's fun to take a bath with scented soaps and candles all over the place. I love the different scented moisturizers that I can use and products I can put in my hair. I love being able to decide on whether I want straight or curly hair any day of the week. I love being able to wear my hair down or clip it back or put in a headband or barrette.

Clothing is not only the best part about being a girl. I love the pink and white rose bedspread I have on my bed currently and the soft delicate glow that my paper lanterns create over the top of my mirror at night. The color on my walls is like a gentle sea foam and the white netting is like being on safari in Philadelphia. I love the princess feel that it creates.

Who cares if this post set the women's movement back a billion years, I love being a girl.

Hey Yonni!

Hey Yonni! Guess what! I'm not going to write anything tonight!

Thundersnow

With Thundersnow raging on outside, and my lack of ice cream inside, I have become rather glum about having to stay inside and do nothing but schoolwork and watch PBS serials on Hulu. I am rather pleased that I found a show called Empires and I am now watching the Ancient Japan mini-series. It's kind of cool and now I want to take a tour of the Japanese countryside. I also would do anything to not have to read the last fifty pages of Daisy Miller, even though it is incredibly easy. I'm being incredibly stubborn and anti-school tonight. Merph. If I were at the house right now Marg and I would be wrapped in blankets smoking cloves on the front steps with Tor and Lee. Or we would have put on every sort of warm piece of clothing that we could find until we looked like homeless snowmen and wandered around campus. We may have even gone over to the Maguire playgrounds and jumped off of the swings into the snow. Either way we would have been having a better time than I am now. Grr stupid snow, and I love love love snow. I have been waiting for ages for Philadelphia to get hit like this. It's just no fun when Marg is trapped five miles away and My Hebrew Friend is another five miles past Marg. Everyone is trapped with six inches and counting of snow and ice on their cars and you can't see more than ten feet in front of your face because of the blowing snow and wind. This morning when I woke up at 7am I was convinced that it was 7am because is was so dark and cloudy and snowy outside. Tomorrow morning I don't have to get up at &am because hockey has already been cancelled and I can stay in bed until 8:30am or 9am.

The best part about tomorrow is that My Hebrew Friend has said that he will get me ice cream at work. Now I am all excited and want it to be tomorrow. I also want to go play in the snow. Does Hebrew Friend like the snow? Also we need need need to watch The Princess Bride sometime soon!

Oh yes!

Love, but not a love story.

"Any resemblance to people living or dead is purely coincidental ... Especially you, Jenny Beckman ... Bitch."


Thank you Jenny Beckman for being a bitch and inspiring (500) Days of Summer and the one movie that my romantic entanglements most closely resemble. WIthout you I never would have found a kindred spirit in Summer or started lusting over Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Instead I would probably still be insecure about my insecurities and would have had to wait to see Joseph Gordon-Levitt in Inception for him to become my favorite person ever. But really I think it's the clothing of the Tom character and the music that did it for me. Any guy who likes The Smiths and wears skinny ties under v-neck cardigans is cool with me. Unfortunately for some I do tend to take the Summer route in life because of my indecisiveness and my deep desire to live and breath everywhere and not in your parent's basement apartment while you work for your dad. I have no desire to settle tomorrow or in the next ten years, and so to the Tom's of the world: I am sorry I don't want to be in a relationship with you, don't ask me to try. But hey! We can be friends and see where it goes every once and a while. 


A long time ago (long compared to my short existence, short compared to TIME) I was with the Accountant who wanted to move back to Vermont as soon as he was done with school. He wanted to marry me and move in with his parents in the middle of nowhere. He wanted to marry me as soon as school was over and stay on his plot of land until the day he died. He did not want to go anywhere or see anything and he looked down on me for not being like him. The Accountant treated me like a child who misbehaves when I got excited about things he thought were silly. My mother loved him and I was comfortable because I thought that there was no one else. 


Then I grew a pair. Asshole when I say I don't want to date you, I mean it. Do not say it's because I want to enjoy my senior year of high school or that it is the distance. It's just you. You're creepy and mean and I want more from life than what you were willing to offer. Get over it already, stop texting me and fb stalking me. I'm not interested and I don't know why you still are. You made me quite and over-cautious around guys, just ask My Hebrew Friend who is desperately trying to get me to tell him perfectly normal things. Now I don't tell my mother about the boys I see and I don't let them meet my friends. I keep that part of my life holed up and to myself and completely separate from my everyday life. Thanks for Accountant. 


I used to be a Tom and now I'm a Summer. I have my whole life ahead of me to get married and have a child and in turn fuck that child's life up more than I've fucked up my own. And it's going to happen with someone who wants be on that ride. Until then I'm carefree as a birdie and intend on keeping it that way, or at least until I have someone who I am sure about the way Summer was. 

Sweet Disposition