Fudgy brownies with crispy corner pieces.

I have the biggest craving for chocolaty fudgy brownies right now. The kind that are gooey and warm and are crispy along the corner edges. Soooo good. It's killing me that I don't have any and that I can't eat any because of my new resolution to be healthy. Fuck me! I'm going to go run to take my mind off the cravings after I finish this and then make some lunch. I found chocolate chips in the cupboard and now I have to convince myself that I don't need to bake cookies or make chocolate chip pancakes. It's making me cranky/crazy and if I have another night at work like I did last night I'm going to shoot something or key my arch nemesis' car. Grr. I definitely had a hard time kick starting healthy eating habits and I think that that's been because I've been under my mother's thumb for so long and ha to listen to her preach about how Samantha and I are addicted to carbs and that we were going to become obese American children. I just got tired of it and did what I could to push against her. Now that I'm away from her and speeches it's easier for me to want to be healthy. For example: My mother LOVES almonds and how good they are for you. I developed a hatred for almonds and would not eat them. Now I'm starting to like almonds again now that they aren't always around and the fact that my mother is 400 miles away from me. So as long as she keeps her mouth reasonably quiet about healthy eating this is going to be a successful lifestyle change for me.

Tonight's Katie's "I quit Borders" party. I told her I would go because I love her and I haven't seen her in ages. I don't plan on drinking a) I made a mess of myself the last time I was there and b) I'm still dirt poor and buying beer is low on my spending priorities. We need to start frequenting places where there  is dancing. Dancing is way more fun than sitting around and having the same conversations that we have every weekend plus dancing burns calories. Double score. If I make more than $80 tonight maybe I'll buy a PBR, but probably not because I really really want to go shopping next month.

So I'm really starting to rethink going to Lancaster the Monday after next Monday. I called my aunt and left her a message an haven't heard back from her. Now I realize that there's a good chance that she may not be home, but she never goes anywhere and people should check their messages you never know who could be calling. However if I don't go to Lancaster it saves on having to buy an EZ Pass sooner rather than later when I start day tripping to Seaside and eventually make the haul up north. Still acknowledging that I called would be nice. 

Pathetic in my own dreams.

Last night I dreamt about doing my laundry and texting my Hebrew Friend. Wow what a dream! I should have just stayed awake and done my laundry for all the great sleep I got. I've definitely entered "Last Weeks of School" phase where I developed sleep anxiety and start focusing on my hair. Last year I plucked out all the hair on my shin as a stress mechanism and this year I've been picking out split ends and damaged strands like it's my job. Disgusting and weird, but I figure it's better than stress eating and purging. I only have three more serious weeks, but until then I'm going to be a zombie form trying to get everything done and then worrying myself awake at night.

Last night I purposefully set aside eight glorious sleeping hours for myself. I wanted to be in bed and asleep by ten thirty. Total fail, I got sleepy ended up texting Yonni because I'm a selfish girl and then started to get snoozy. I forgot that I texted Yonni and that my phone was on full volume so when he texted back (he has good phone etiquette) it freaked me out and left me wide awake ad unable to get back to sleep for several hours. When I finally did get to sleep I dreamt that I was doing my laundry and texting Yonni. I don't remember talking about anything exciting however, Yonni did tell me that he found a cache of hot Eastern European women from Yale that like ice cream. Even in my own dreams my life is pathetic.

Last year I remember dreaming about Boyajian and dinosaurs for three weeks. "Last Weeks of School" phase is going to kill me.

Running into a wall at slow speeds

RECOVERY TIME, recovery time, recovery time. It's important for a reason and my body is killing me for not having more than six hours of it last night. I ran around 10:30pm and didn't get back until after 11pm and then had to go back out at 5am for BOMF. I got a little more than a mile before my body nearly quit on me and I had to turn around. Not my best run, but  with the new guys who are learning how to run I wasn't the worst one there this morning. But now that I've been sitting in class all day my body has decided that it doesn't want to move anymore and now I'm stuck in a chair at work. Literally stuck. I'm going to have to take a bath or sit on the radiator to get my muscles relaxed again. Since I ran already I don't have to go back out until tomorrow afternoon and even then I'll stick to Merion so I don't have to run super hills. I'll save that one for Saturday morning.

It's good that I'm not going to go back out because I have a mound of work I want to complete tonight:
3 theology reflections
Reread HOD
First draft of HOD paper
Non-fiction and fiction responses
Fiction revision
Non-fiction revision
Read Call of the Wild
Start reading On the Road

If I can get all of this done before 10:30pm and be asleep by 11:30pm that would be so pro because then I can get up and get my car's oil changed before class. I need to start riding my bike again, I can't afford to drive anywhere anymore.

Click on the link, you'll like it: Lovely

No thoughts just yet.

I'm about to go into work. I was a little hesitant about telling Kyle that I would cover for him, but yesterday I went into Borders to pick up my final paycheck and I realized that what I made in two 20+ hour weeks at Borders I made in one weekend serving at my new job and it was definitely less than 20 hours. So thanks Kyle for giving me your shift tonight.

It's been raining all day. It started out nice and then while I was in class it started to pour and I was completely unprepared and ended up getting soaked through for the rest of the morning. Poor planning on my part, Lace would have been so disappointed. The one great thing about this rain is that the leaves are starting to come out. The Park has a real musty and mossy look from my apartment in the rain, it reminds me of a deciduous version of what springtime on The Mountain is like. If only the stupid apartment building in the middle of my window would disappear.

More after work.

Okay, back from work. I'm about to go run down on the treadmill for a little while, even though tomorrow is a BOMF morning. Work was kind of lame. Not end of world lame and really if it hadn't been for the large party that wanted individual checks, the night would have been perfectly fine. I'm just going to work out the frustration so I can get to work on some homework. I have about three days worth of back-work that I need to get out of the way before I can start final projects. If I can have everything finished and out of the way by Friday before I go to work then I will be in really good shape.

I'm not going to write anymore after I run, but I really wish I had some good parting words for you. So instead you guys should come up with some parting words for me and leave a comment or send me a message. Cliches are always fun.

Sleepy, cranky, and something in between.

Have you ever been so exhausted and drained to the point where you can't keep your eyes open, but once you lay down and actually want to go to sleep you find that you can't? Because that's me right now. I just want to get a couple of hours of sleep so that I can wake up early and finish some work and get a run in before class. I just need to get a little bit of sleep first and it's not happening. I've turned everything off, tired reading, classical music, opening my window, closing my window, and drinking water. Nothing is working and if I knew I could get eight hours in I would go for the codeine, but since I only get four at the most I have to work through this on my own. I need to reread The Art of War so that I can get control over my mind and bend my body to my will while at the same time learning how to conquer Mongolia.

Oh sleep! Where art thou? 

When I was young and naive I would have said arson, but now I say voodoo! - Louise

I'm writing in my living room right now. I have the lights off, the window is open wide, and there is a warm breezing coming in. It feels amazing. It's so quiet and relaxing just sitting here going over the day and getting ready for tomorrow. That is until some asshole pulls up to the building with their windows down and the music at full volume.


Jewish Girl In Wasps Clothing has a new blog called Heaven Health Me! and it's awesome, especially for someone who is struggling with changing her lifestyle and becoming healthier. And while I've been able to lose ten pounds relatively easy, I still need motivation and to know that there are other women out there trying to do the same thing. She's started out by doing a week of no sugar and documenting everything that she eats and what she does for exercise. She's done well so far with only a few cheats, but she doesn't seem to exercise a lot or at least not tell us about it. That's the one thing I have to push myself to accomplish. I've started running. I'm trying to run everyday because I've found when I tell myself I'll only run a certain number of day and end up procrastinating and putting it off. If I force myself to run everyday I won't be able to put it off until tomorrow. Today I did a little less than 2.5 miles according to mapmyrun.com. That's definitely the longest I've run without stopping, EVER. I'm going to try and get something in before class tomorrow morning otherwise I have to run on the treadmill before work. Damn me for telling Kyle I would take his shift. Actually I don't mind covering for him. Kyle's great and since I don't do anything on Tuesday's I'm happy to make some money. Just no coupons tomorrow, please.

JGIWC also mentioned in her blog that Passover is coming up. I miss Passover. I'm not an incredibly religious person. I find the history and the culture of religion to be more interesting than religion itself, but I always had a connection with the Easter season. Not a big fan of Christmas, but I always liked Easter and for more than just the awesome baskets that Lance makes. Seriously the guy is pro at putting together an Easter basket. Anyways Easter season always began for me at Passover when the church community would preform a Sedar meal. It was always an intense process with a lot of steps that began to become second nature as I got older. Over time the meal became more complex as the community grew larger to the point where people tried their hand at poor Hebrew and reciting prayers from memory. The older I got the more I understood the importance of each step in the meal its significance. I was never a huge fan of Palm Sunday other than the fun palms and the fact that it marked the beginning of Holy Week. The church also started to get decorated for Easter during Palm Sunday, however by Holy Thursday and Good Friday everything would be taken out and covered up. I always liked being an altar server during Holy Thursday and Good Friday because it made mass more interactive during the longer hour. Also by Friday the Passion is repeated a third and much longer time and by then even I found it to be a little exhausting. The close of Thursday and Friday were also really intense. Everyone leaves in silence and in the dark. The sticky sweet incense lingers in everyones's clothes and hair you're not allowed to make a sound until after you reach your car. Good Friday also marks the last Friday that I had to eat fish to dinner. I didn't go to Easter Vigil until I was in eight or ninth grade. Vigil is a three hour mass late on Saturday night. It's about reawakening in the Church and new members are baptized and confirmed. The church has started to fill back up with candles and flowers and by the time mass is over it's Easter Sunday. Sunday everything is in bloom. Candles and Easter lilies are everywhere and people are dressed in color. The statues and pictures are uncovered and everything seems to have life again. Easter is the spring bloom after a long Lenten season. After Easter comes Pentecost which deals with the aftermath of Jesus ascending into Heaven and how the Church developed afterwards, but you don't get a basket for that.

This weekend minus just about everything that I've really done.

I need to wake up, right now! I went over to a friend's house last night after work and I stayed out way too late. I got home a little after 2am and just crashed the minute I sat down. I even woke up in the same position that I remember falling asleep in. I woke up around 7am because there were squirrels outside my window making their weird noises on the ledge. I forgot about the screen and thought that they could get in so I crawled under the blanket in fear of the squirrels and ended up falling back asleep until a little while ago. I should have just gotten up, because now my body is all messed up. I do not mind hanging out late with my friends. We all have different schedules so its usually only late at night that we can see each other. I think last night I just made the mistake of going out in my pajamas and ended up falling asleep on his couch a couple of times. I really did enjoy Love and Other Drugs though. It was a lot different than I thought it was going to be and I very much enjoyed a naked Jake Gyllenhaal I just should have had some caffein instead of water. Next time we can watch movies at my apartment and you can just sleep on the futon when you get tired and I can just go to bed. 

So now I'm trying decide if I can get away without having to redo the makeup on my face. One of my friends at work said something to me about how I never where makeup and so I've been practicing with some different stuff to see what I like and I've come to two conclusions: I desperately need to get contacts and I need to buy some new makeup. I just need to make a little more money. I have to pick up my check up from my old job tomorrow night and after that I should have rent for the month and I can start putting together my summer shopping fund. Yay! I may get My Hebrew Friend to go to the outlets with me and help me shop. He's not gay or a woman but he has a good eye for fashion and unlike my lady friends he won't try and sabotage me. That's the one thing I hate about women, they always seem to be in competition with each other even when there's no reason to be. I mean if you really want him then take him. There are a billion other guys in the world and I'm in no hurry to find anyone permanent anyways. Besides if I'm really serious about finding someone then I need to start listening to the things I tell other people who are serious about looking for a significant other. I need to find someone who like books, movies, exercise, being outside, sports, boats, will travel to warm and cold places and will let me give our children hardcore Old Testament middle names, which definitely means I need to get out of Philadelphia or hope that Mark Smith has a hot son. 

In May I'm going to Rio (don't ask) and I'll be getting fitted for contacts and hopefully at the rate I'm going I will be in the 130s, so I am pretty jazzed for the summer.